“Your voice is a gift…” was a phrase Ryo used to say to me. I struggled with social anxiety for the majority of my life. Sometimes I would stutter, sometimes I had a lisp, sometimes I couldn’t find the correct words to say. I would tense up and refrain from talking every now and then because other people did not want to hear me. Whenever I did open my mouth, the delivery was always blunt. I would even get in trouble more often than not by rocking the boat and saying what’s on my mind. There were many challenging aspects of using my clumsy voice and finding methods to properly express myself. My environment, upbringing, and influences factored into all of that. Regardless, I promised myself to do my best to speak my truth despite the opposition and the consequences that may come with it.
One way I would combat this issue is by pushing myself to socialize with a diverse range of people. Another way would be to thrust myself on stage and sing to the best of my ability. No matter if my voice stumbles or faltered during those moments, I still believed it’s important to give it a shot rather than to quit entirely. I would even digest books, articles, videos, and podcasts so I can learn by their example as well. It got lonesome tirelessly making attempts to connect to others in a sea full of many faces and not many listening back. I came to terms that it’s only up to me to tell my experiences to the world and I am the only one responsible for opening up myself to it if I ever want to reach my destination. Even if a single person believed in me then it would be worth it, I don’t need everyone to understand me.
All that being said, I invite my buds to join me on my journey to self-actualization. I told my story pertaining to my struggles with my former producer, my idol experiences, and my overall past on my “Julily the Lightworker” Youtube Channel. I also have been taking the time to bring awareness to topics such as abuse, mental health, relationships, spirituality, and more through my stories. This is to ensure transparency to the best of my ability and get my messages across the best possible way I can. Currently, I am reaching the tail end of disclosing this chapter in my life before I open a new one. After everything is said and done, I refuse to go back to that dark place ever again. I hope through my experiences they may resonate with you and you too have the courage to tell your story no matter how painful it is.