Hey there bud!

Here’s the start of my new blog section on this website so I do hope you enjoy reading my entries. So far, I compiled a bunch of previous blog posts that I uploaded on Instagram, fixed a few typos, and placed them here. I’m really excited to write more about my life as time progresses!

This feels pretty nostalgic to me because I used to blog a bunch before. When I was 10 years old, I started up a blog completely dedicated to Build a Bearville (think of Club Penguin, but in Build a Bear Form)! I used to have a collection of Build a Bears when I was young and they were all part of a royal family. Unfortunately, they all got ruined from Hurricane Sandy so I had to give them up. It sucks because I’d save up a lot of allowance money just to invest in them. What’s also cumbersome was during the times I brought them to school for comfort, kids would tease me about it and throw my bears around which would make me infuriated.

Here’s a video about Bearville if you want to know more about the game itself. My avatar is in the thumbnail too!

I give a lot of credit to Build a Bearville for helping me during my childhood. It was an escape from my stress at the time. I was so dedicated to the franchise that I memorized all the different kinds of bears they had at the time. During their beta phase of launching Build a Bearville, my username was “JulianeBubbles”. It’s corny I know, but some people dubbed the nickname “Bubbles” for me because whenever I would be using the sink for a long time, I’d be blowing bubbles out of my hands. 😂

My dad was typically paranoid (still is to this day) and wouldn’t allow me to socialize but I always wanted to make a ton of friends so blogging was the best way to go about it. I’d sneak onto my laptop late at night with the covers on just to talk to friends and when my parents found out, they harassed me; telling me that I was addicted. His overly controlling nature stifled my creativity. I wasn’t allowed to go out with friends and I wasn’t allowed to go on the computer for long, what does one do in that situation? While trying to understand my intense emotions back then, I believe this was the root of my social anxiety. Not only I had trouble regulating my emotions but I had trouble expressing them as well. Had I grown up in a more stable environment, I would have been able to navigate through the world in a healthier manner. I’d spend a lot of time reading self-improvement books and watching countless advice videos just to learn how to deal with social situations properly.

It’s due to this that I dedicated my life to pursuing what freedom actually means to me. Not many people cared for my rebellious nature though I come to terms that if something doesn’t make me feel liberated, I want no association with it. Regardless of the fact that I’m in my mid-20’s, I believe there is no time limit to being as youthful as you can be – I’d rather be that way than grow up jaded for the rest of my life. It’s one of the reasons why I’d like to revisit my childhood every now and then. If I could understand the innocence of a child, it would be nice to show others that it’s possible to reattain that for themselves as well. The world is meant to be explored, don’t you agree?

Just thinking about it (and this might be dramatic), it seems as if my birth name “Juliane Infantino” sealed my fate. “Youthful Summer Child” would be the meaning of my name. Then again, we as humans love to ascribe meaning to things to gain a better understanding of our world but despite that, I think the world is exactly what you make of it. If I had the power to create an ideal world, I would want it to be just like that… pure and full of color. Let’s pray that these silly creatures we call “humans” could evolve up to that point because quite frankly, a good chunk of them are decaying – mother earth is unamused. 😏

In conclusion, she told me to tell you all:

That’s all for now. Happy Spring Time (or Sad Spring Time, your choice)!

P.S. I came across my old friend Yhunagirl (DizzyPengBear) and her blog again. Reading her entry here made me tear up a bit. A lot of memories came flooding in and it warms my heart to know how much of this stuff had an impact on our lives. I hope she is doing well.